I need Change & Harmony
My life the past few months has been really difficult in terms of living with my Gramma and her Husband, while being physically sick. Its like I am imprisoned with someone that hates me and always has it out to hurt me, her husband…and my Gramma who used to be my hero, now thinks I am a burden and has told this to my face as of last night. She says I have serious problems, because my illness hasnt gotten better and that I have horrendous mood swings…this comes from me asking to be taken to the ER for breathing problems and chest pain. I didnt do anything to her, she was arguing with her husband about finances majorly, instead they teamed up on me, to get out of there fight with eachother. I find this so unfair and I cant take it anymore, being the scapegoat for what she is really angry about. She thinks I dont apperciate anything she has done for me as in taking me to the doctor, when that is not true at all, I give her hugs, I tell her I love her, I always say thank you to her and I have said many times to not make doctor appointments and she still does, she wont stop making the appointments. I know the only way things are going to change, is if I move out of this house, I cant live with people that hate me, that take there angry and depression about their own lives out on me. That treat me like I am supposed to wear a huge smile and run around the house laughing…I never see them! Thats what I dont get, only on the weekends and sometimes for one hour after five or six on the weekdays. If my Gramma didnt insist on talking to me about what I do wrong everyday, then we would never talk. So I dont know how I bother them, its so very strange to me. Anyways I needed to vent this out, because I needed to let it out, that I have no peace were I am living, that my enviroment is stressing me out to the point I feel like I just need to pack a bag and leave with poppie in a cat cage. If I drove and had a car, I would be goneeeeee. If I had money and could get a plane ticket I would be in Australia with the love of my life Evie Jenny, my fiancee. I have to work things out starting today, to put a plan in progress to get out of this house and be independent. It would be nice, a miracle, if I had some help, somewhere to go, a place to stay for awhile. I believe though, that God has a reason for everything and I believe, right now everything is saying that I need to get out of were I am living, that I have to make steps to move. Though were to I dont know, how I dont know. I just need this change very much. I am so thankful that my Fiancee is so understanding and listens to me and cares about my feelings, she is really amazing. I cant wait to be by her side, giving her ((hugs)) and helping eachother live in peace and harmony. Yes, thats what I need Harmony. Much Love Eli Shane.